The week before Christmas saw only a little indication of the impending holiday in Leta’s son Dale’s household--a poinsettia from a friend and some paper snowflakes that his two little girls had made. While the family—including the extended family—mourned the recent death of Dale and his wife Kathryn’s little boy, Leta’s daughter Vivian had instigated a few measures for the holiday, particularly for her young nieces. While Kathryn’s sisters and mother provided the soothing companionship necessary for the grieving mother, Vivian and Leta did the Christmas shopping and holiday baking.
Vivian recognized that allowing her brother’s home to become void of the holiday would lead young, impressionable minds to take on the blame. Losing their brother and observing and experiencing their mother’s great grief was enough. While Vivian accepted Kathryn’s own deep mourning, having had her own experiences of child-loss through a number of miscarriages, taking care of the little ones was still essential. Leta gladly partnered with her daughter to do what she could.
On this particular evening, Leta took Dale and his five-year-old daughter Connie to pick out a Christmas tree, accompanied by Claud, the man she was dating. When they arrived with the tree, they found Kathryn sitting in her usual spot in the dark living room, staring into her sorrow. She started at their sudden blast of Christmas joy, her melancholy transforming into fury. After several carefully placed glares, she turned her attention to Connie and escorted the child up the stairs to bed, taking all of the sound with her. All this happened so quickly, that the others barely had time to register their surprise. Dale and Claud were still standing in the doorway with the Christmas tree, and Leta stood slightly to the side, her own understanding of Kathryn’s harsh reaction growing quickly.
Finally, Dale spoke.
“If you’ll help me set this up before you go, I’d appreciate it,” he said.
Leta was silent, wrapped in the fury of Kathryn’s intimations.
“Ma?’ Dale said and then repeated more forcefully, cutting through the bonds.
“Of course,” Leta agreed. “Before we go, let’s not forget the food in the car. That beef stew will make a good supper for you tomorrow.”
“It was delicious,” Claud gushed.
Claud had met them at the tree lot, and followed them in his own automobile. After rearranging the furniture to accommodate the tree and securing it in its stand, Leta and Claud headed out. Once in the car, Claud made a suggestion.
“I don’t know about you, but I sure could use a drink” he said. “Is there a nice place around here?”
“I’m tired, Claud,” Leta replied. “I just want to go home.”
“Are you sure?” he questioned. “Although I’m not entirely sure what actually went on just now, I did note a kind of disdain in Dale’s wife’s attitude toward you.”
“Kathryn’s grieving, Claud. Her boy just died. It’s Christmas-time, too, and she can only act happy within limits. I think tonight she reached her limit.”
“But Leta,” he persisted. “There was something else. Even I felt something. Dale couldn’t get us out of there fast enough. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone with you.”
“No,” she disagreed, “it wasn’t you specifically. It’s me.”
“What did you do? You bought them a Christmas tree. You’ve spent hours shopping for her. You make them food all the time. What could she possibly have against you?”
“I think she blames me.”
“For the death of her little boy?”
“I think this is about her belief that God is punishing her—for my sins,” she explained.
“Leta, that’s crazy talk,” Claud cautioned.
“Maybe,” she answered. “It’s not like I’m the best person in the world. None of them think I was a good mother. And I have led a different kind of life than what most people agree is acceptable. When Dale and Kathryn first started courting, everything was fine. I had Vivian, and Don was just a baby. I looked like the perfect grandmother.”
“You are the perfect grandmother,” he said.
“Please, don’t interrupt,” she urged. “I’m telling you something here.”
Claud leaned back in his seat to listen. She spoke evenly, staring at the headlight’s reflection on the road.
“Kathryn was a sweet girl, a little protected from the world maybe, naïve, but cheerful, and Dale needed that. Everyone around him was so serious all the time—his father, grandmother definitely, even Vivian. Kathryn, though, had an infectious laugh that ran through from her belly into her head. Dale used to try to make her laugh, which was quite a challenge for him, but he did. And they laughed and laughed. But her family didn’t approve, not of Dale—they really liked him—but of me. I had quite a reputation then. Most women who were unmarried are supposed to follow a certain way of living, and instead I liked to go out for a drink and meet people. I even had a job. And I was divorced. They’re Roman Catholic, you know, and divorce is a sin. They never said anything directly, but they were very obvious about their distaste for me, and they warned her. Connecting with my family was a step into heartbreak. That was hard on Kathryn. She really loved Dale, and he loved her. He was so afraid to propose to her, but I encouraged him. He deserved his happiness, and so did she. Plus, I do love a love story.
“He did it the proper way. First, he spoke to her father, did all the right things, talking about his job, his aspirations, his morality and how much he adored her and wanted to spend his life taking care of her. The old man was skeptical, so Dale played his ace. He offered to convert. It wasn’t much of a conversion. He wasn’t very religious to begin with, so becoming Catholic was just fine for him. And the father agreed. Once Dale became a Catholic, he would have his blessing. Kathryn accepted the proposal. Again, Dale wanted to do this right and read in a magazine about giving a woman a ring for the engagement, so he and I went to the jewelry store, and he bought one for her. He didn’t have much money, but it was nice, and she was thrilled.
“But all of them—her entire family—believed that sinners get punished, and my sins could be visited on anyone in the family. And while I think Kathryn and I developed a fine relationship, that fear that God would punish has always lingered. And now it seems like maybe I have.”
“That’s nonsense,” Claud said definitively.
“It’s what they believe,” she noted.
“What about you?”
“Sometimes, I do. God is just, Claud.”
They drove in silence for a few moments.
“Jesus Christ! I definitely need a drink now,” Claud finally declared, “and you do, too.”
On Christmas Day, Claud proposed to her, and she readily agreed, and the day after Vivian’s birthday, they drove to Angola, Indiana where they were married by a justice of the peace.
THE END
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