Crying babies get held

Leta and Ralph's little boy Dale was a fussy baby. Like most men of that era, Ralph left nearly all of the child rearing to Leta, but he did on occasion want to hold the little guy and whisper to him about baseball games and fishing. However, Dale seemed to reject his father’s attention. He could be calm and serene at the start, but once he realized that he had been pulled from his mother’s arms and left to his father’s, even with Ralph’s soft voice, he would immediately begin to cry. If he was unsatisfied, the cry would escalate to a scream until the only thing Ralph could do was hand him back and gruffly leave the room.

For her part, Leta devoted herself to Dale, tending to his every whim and whimper. While her physical connection to her husband waned, she lavished all of her attention and affection on the little boy.

“You need to let that baby cry it out,” her mother-in-law Ida told her one Sunday afternoon when Dale was only a few months old. Leta, Ralph and their children Vivian (aged three) and Dale joined Leta’s in-laws and Ralph’s perpetually single brother Walter for dinner. They had concluded the meal and the dishes. The men were in the living room planning their baseball game attendance for the season, and the women were sitting at the dining room table. Vivian was taking her nap.

Initially, Leta put Dale down on Ida’s bed with his sister, but he immediately began to fuss. Leta sat with him for a few minutes, stroking his cheek and cooing motherly love. This put Vivian instantly to sleep, but Dale refused to be coddled in this way and expressed his displeasure with loud wailing. Anxious about her mother-in-law’s convictions about stern child-rearing, Leta tried to mollify her infant’s displeasure by rocking him gently on the bed. But he struggled and screamed even louder. With a quick look at Vivian who seemed to be getting restless, too, Leta picked up the squalling infant and rockingly walked through the house and into the kitchen. He almost immediately quieted.

Ida shook her head.

“Vivian was sleeping,” Leta protested.

“We could have moved him to Walter’s bed,” Ida answered, “and closed the door. He would have fallen asleep eventually. They always do.”

Leta continued to gently rock her son.

“A baby that’s constantly held will turn out bad,” Ida continued. “Spoiled, not able to take care of himself.  You don’t let him sleep in the bed with you and Ralph, do you?”

Even Leta was shocked by that. “No, of course not.”

“So what do you do when he cries at night. I’m sure he cries at night.”

“I get up and walk and rock him until he falls back asleep.”

“He’s got you trained,” Ida said finally, turning her attention back to her needlepoint.

Leta’s mother was not much better.

“You baby him too much, Leta,” she would repeat. “He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. You can’t hold and rock him forever.”

“Of course not, Mother,” Leta snapped.

“How on earth do you accomplish anything if you’re holding him all the time?” her mother persisted.

“We manage.”

“I just don’t see how,” Julia concluded but then turned back. “What does Ralph think of all of this?”

“He understands,” Leta replied. “At least he doesn’t have a screaming baby keeping him up or distracting him.”

“And Vivian?”

“What about her?”

“Doesn’t she get jealous? Act out?” Julia suggested.

Leta thought for a moment. She had heard that sometimes older siblings became disrespectful and jealous of a new baby, but at least in her own house, this was far from the case. Vivian adored her brother and was very helpful in taking care of him.

“No, she likes him,” Leta answered.

“Well,” Julia said finally, “I still think you’re hurting him. Mark my words: All this babying is bound to result in some damage.”

Dale’s crying tapered off over the next several months, but still Leta continued to devote herself to him.